Dreams. I'm one of those people who are profoundly affected by their dreams. I remember dreams like some people remember past events. One of the things I have yet to do is keep a dream journal. Maybe, eventually...that's one of the things I'll begin incorporating into my diary. Over the years, I've had reoccurring dreams (more like dream themes) that eventually fade. I've found that those generally dealt with the psychology of a situation in life...or conversely, these dreams sometimes add to my fears or paranoia of certain abstract, random things. One example is a strange fear of cliffs. I'm not afraid of heights and I'll happily stand by or near a cliff without any problems. But, I've had some dreams involving me being in a car (as a passenger) driving off a cliff...several times. So, when I'm a passenger in a car driving through the mountains at night...I always get a little nervous when I can't see the road ahead because it's dipping down. Some reoccurring dreams have definitely been more frightening than others...some have actually been pleasant.
I also frequently visit the same places in my dreams. There is one apartment building that comes to mind. In one dream I stood outside of the building. In another dream, I had broken into a loft inside the building...looking for something. In another dream, I was walking around the various rooms of the loft as if I once lived there. In real life, I've never been to a building like this. I've never even stepped foot into a loft. But, my mind paints vivid details of the building and the loft as if I occupied it at some time in my life. There is also a very old, Victorian style house I used to visit often in my dreams. The house is huge, with stale air. Old antique furnishings. The house is haunted and normally when I visit, the house is empty. In every dream where I'm at the house...I discover a new "hidden" room. The attic in the house is finished. To get there, you have go to the top floor, through one bedroom (I always feel like it's a teenage boys room), then through a closet "hallway" up another series of stairs which leads past a den like room. After that, you are near the finished attic room. You have to go up another set of stairs to get there. Just thinking about that room gives me the creeps...in my dreams and in life. The one time I mustered the nerve to go up there (in my dream), the room was filled with paintings of sailing and traveling paraphernalia. There were also various photo albums and poems scattered about. I remember being told that the room belonged to a boy who died, or was missing.
There are dreams that I remember from my childhood...although not too many. Since I was a kid, there are times where I've confused dreams with reality. Times where I recall a dream so vividly...that I forget whether the event happened in "life" or just a movie in my mind. Sometimes I need to ask people whether or not something actually happened. I'll never forget the first time this happened when I was about six years old. It was something really absurd...and my family still teases me about it. In some of my older diaries from when I was little, I would write about certain dreams. I guess they've always been special and important to me. To this day, dreamless nights make for a cranky day. Bad dreams put me in thinking mode about life and the choices I'm making. Good dreams, make me happy. Vivid dreams...make me think in the metaphysical and philosophical sense.
In certain dreams, I have certain physical powers that no one has in life. One of my favorites is flying. I can actually feel the physical sensation on my body when I think about those dreams. There have been times where I've awaken, momentarily forgetting that I can only fly in my dreams...but not in "real" life. Another dream theme...people I know take on the identity of someone else. It's weird because when I wake up I always have the sense of who was who even though physical appearances weren't the same.
Depending on where I sleep...the intensity or theme of my dreams change. I've found that the more history a place has...the more intense my dream. I have favorite spots in my parents house where I like to sleep because of the types of dreams I have. "New" places don't seem to inspire me too much. I've also noticed that I have different types of dreams in different countries. Whenever I return home from a trip...I dream of some of the most spectacular imagery. The other night I dreamt someone asking me "what is your rainbow?" I remember walking around a big, beautiful white house set up like a bed and breakfast. All of a sudden a huge rainbow appeared, stretching the length of the inside of the house, going through the window outside....and stopping at a full moon...although there was daylight outside. The rainbow wasn't arched. It was straight with "connector joints." After it appeared, it became physical to the touch. I then said "here is my rainbow."
Now that I'm thinking about it...I don't think I ever experience "smells" in my dreams...and although I've seen food in my dreams, I can't recall ever eating food, which would mean I also don't experience taste. I definitely experience physical and emotional sensations. There are times when I have had lucid dreams, though lucidity normally kicks in as a defense mechanism. In those dreams, I've watched a car that I was in sink or some other catastrophe. Normally I start shouting "This is a dream. I have to wake up. This isn't real. This can't be happening. I have to wake up....this is a dream." After I've said it a few times, I wake up...feeling relieved.
One of the stranger dreams I had, I actually wrote about in my diary. There was a carnival and someone was holding my hand leading me through the crowd. He was trying to get us to a cargo train. In the train, from a distance, a cargo door (on the side) was open. There were hay bails inside with people sitting on them...it seemed like they were watching us. As we approached the train, the man counted down "okay now 5-4-3-2-1" as he said "one", my alarm went off. I woke up feeling like the man was trying to beat my alarm clock in getting me on the train. Another strange part of that dream was the fact that the man could read my thoughts. The sound in the field for some reason reminded me of the way sound "feels" in a movie theater. I remember thinking how I would like to have a theater in my house with surround sound because I enjoyed the way it "felt." After I finished the thought, the man in my dream simply said "don't worry, you will always have everything you want." The other day, I had a dream where I asked for the time and someone replied "nine-oh-four." After I heard the time, I woke up. When I looked at the clock, it read "nine-four-oh."
Some of the more freighting dreams I've had involved 9/11. In one dream, I was in the plane that smashed into the Pentagon. In another, more recent dream, I was at the top of one of the twin towers. My Dad and I were in the building. People were rushing down the stairs, elevators, and jumping out the windows. At first I felt like they were over reacting. But then I began feeling the heat and smoke. My Dad kept trying to tell me we would be safer where we were, that the others were really over reacting. I begged and pleaded for us to go down the stairs. Eventually he succumbed to my pleading. I remember going through a fireball and just barely being able to escape. When the second plane hit the other tower, my Dad just kind of looked at me. His look spoke volumes of what might have happened had we stayed at the top tower. He looked sad and happy all at the same time. I remember the feeling of never wanting to go through that again.
More recently, I've had dreams where people that have recently passed, visit me in my dreams. After Chris died, I not only dreamed about hanging out with him, I actually woke up to the physical sensation of him "hugging" my arms. I remember asking why he came, he just said it was because I'd be able to see and hear him. It was strange, even a bit freightening...but it hasn't happened since. I experience dreams in waves. Many of them have a certain feeling associated with them. Although the images are different, the "feelings" they evoke are all similar. Lately I've been experiencing richly colored, dreamy type dreams. I talk about my dreams like I talk about things I experience in "life." Sometimes I wonder if dreams are my true reality.
