My life has changed so much within the past year. So, so much. Time seems to propel me through life at an ever increasing rate. I've begun to start thinking about whom I might be, where I might be next. A new chapter has begun. I've already begun to wonder when it might end. I've already begun to wonder where the story goes from here. I've begun to wonder whether or not I believe in happy endings. I think about life and how we are all put here to die and how everything else is simply the space between two points. We all travel across the same lines. I wonder where I am going; I wonder where I will be. I wonder who will be there with me. I wonder if anyone will be there with me. Of all the things I think about, I think about life the most. I've got such contradictory feelings. On the one hand I constantly question the reality of everything. Then my mind wanders to what I've read regarding special relativity. I think how every moment is already in existence. I think about how everything we experience is relative to the speed in which we travel. I wonder how fast we are really going. I wonder if things would be different if we travelled along a straight path versus a centrifugal one. I wonder if we are bound to repeat countless cycles, just as the earth. I question how long we are bound to be here. I question our individual grasps within time, within these relative dimensions. I wonder if this is all a dream. And then, there is the other me...the me that question none of these things. Lately, that's the face that has taken center stage.
This face is more concerned with the path I've chosen, the path I will choose. Concerned with the comfort of this journey, although not worried about it. Satiated with wonderful feelings, dreams, hopes and aspirations. Completely unconcerned with concrete physical realities and yet completely entranced with the possibilities behind spiritual realities. This is the face that has come to equate life with the cycle of a dragonfly. Anthropoda, Insecta, Odonata. A dragonfly begins its life as an egg deposited into a pond. When the egg hatches, a larva is born (also called a nymph or naiad). The nymph can spend over five years living in the pond using internal gills to breathe. In it's aquatic stage, the nymph will undergo a series of molts as it grows and develops.
Those that survive life in the pond during the aquatic stage as nymphs will eventually enter what is called the final larvae stage. The nymph climbs up the stem of a reed or other plant at night - exposure to air causes the nymph to begin breathing. Once it is completely out of the water, the nymph affixes itself firmly by means of its claws. After a pause, the larval casing breaks at the back of the head and, slowly and laboriously, the adult insect emerges. 'Blood' is then pumped strenuously round the body, an action that expands the body and also the wing-buds, transforming them into the beautiful lace-like wings which the insect will soon use to fly away from the water. By the time the larva leaves the water, an adult, albeit a rather uninflated one, exists inside the skin which is about to be shed. After the insect has extracted itself, a period of time, usually a couple of hours or so, elapses during which the body and wings expand and cure sufficiently to withstand flight.
Emergence is not an easy process, and the insect is incredibly vulnerable as it prepares for life in an entirely new medium. Many things can go wrong, and sometimes do. Weather changes can have disastrous results. Winds and rain can cause irreparable damage by bringing things into contact with the developing body or wings. The insects can become dislodged, falling into the water where they can drown or be eaten. Where suitable emergence sites are limited, larvae can walk over one another disrupting development. During emergence, the insect can't fly away, and hence is vulnerable to numerous predators. Emergence requires a lot of energy and some insects die trying. The necessary growth having been achieved during the larval stage, the imago can concentrate on ensuring the continued existence of its species: it is the stage of dispersal and reproduction. Immediately after emerging, young adults instinctively head away from water and fly off into the surrounding countryside. In temperate zones, dragonflies that survive the vulnerable period between commencement of emergence and successful maiden flight, have an average life expectancy of 4-6 weeks. I should note that the varied rainbow and metallic colors on the body of a dragonfly is not a pigment, but rather a part of their living tissues, and it fades away once the insect dies. This is why people don't collect dragonflies like they do butterflies.
This life cycle to me seems so metaphoric. On the more banal scale, one could equate it to children leaving the nest and becoming an adult going into the world and attempting to survive. However, in the spiritual sense, one could say that survival of life in the pond is so much like survival in life. The final stage being that final transformation where everything becomes clear (if one can even make it there). I guess the Buddhist would call this "enlightenment." Those who achieve it, live those last moments of life, capable of seeing the entire picture, life beyond a pond. Just because you have survived one chapter doesn't mean you won't be challenged in the next. Tenacity takes courage and strength, but the rewards can be remarkable, even if they are fleeting (for a dragonfly - this staged is reached in order to create new life, for a Buddhist, it is to also help others to this path). Anyway - nothing is ever the same once you've reached something sacred. A dragonfly is all eyes, seemingly in it's last moments, existing to take everything in, experience it. No longer able to walk with it's legs, it can only fly...
"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance." - Harrison Ford.
"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." - Charles Darwin
"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." - John F. Kennedy
