Do you ever get news that feels like it kinda sucker punches you? I'm felling that way today. Received some news today about a woman in my building passing quietly in the night of a heart condition. I am terribly saddened by all of this. Very difficult for me to even look at the computer screen today or even focus on the numerous tasks I need to get done because my eyes refuse to continue welling up with a salty stream. I cannot get "La llorona" out of the back of my mind for some reason.
Dicen que no tengo duelo, llorona,
Porque no me ven llorar.
Hay muertos que no hacen ruido, llorona,
Y es más grande su penar.
Ay de mí, llorona,
Llorona de azul celeste,
No dejaré de quererte, llorona
Y aunque la vida me cueste.
Si al cielo subir pudiera, llorona,
Las estrellas te bajara.
La luna a tus pies pusiera, llorona,
Con el sol te coronara.
Todos me dicen el negro, llorona
negro pero cariñoso
todos me dicen el negro, llorona
negro pero cariñoso
yo soy como el chilo verde, llorona
picante pero sabroso
ay de mi llorona, llorona de ayer y hoy
ay de mi llorona, llorona de ayer y hoy
ayer era maravilla, llorona
y ahora ni sombra soy
ayer era maravilla, llorona
y ahora ni sombra soy.
Ay de mí, llorona,
Llorona de negros ojos.
Ya con ésta se despide, llorona,
Tu negrito soñador
She was what I would call a quiet soul. I interacted with her almost everyday for the last year, we made small talk. When I was out of the office on business, or for one of my excursions - she missed me and I recounted my time away. She always had a big, bright smile, and she always told me to enjoy the weather when it was nice outside. My office is wrapped by windows from the floor to the ceiling, so I get magnificent views of the sunset in the winter. Outside of these simple interactions, we really knew nothing more about each other, but it really wasn't important. The solace of this simplicity was nice, and it was "present." Past or future didn't really matter, just the person standing in front of you at the moment. Now she's gone, and I feel so keenly sad.
So, "quiet souls," the wonderful people that you interact with on a normal basis, but you don't know much more about them. For example, there is a woman, who is probably in her mid seventies, that works as a cashier at the cafeteria in my building. It makes my day when she's working, because when she speaks, she's got this British accent and every word sounds like a melodic piece to a song. I also like that she ends everything with "dear." "Hello Dear...Okay dear...goodbye dear." I don't know, she's just really sweet and I appreciate her quiet presence in my life.
I also recall a homeless man that lived in Georgetown. He was also older. I say "was" because it has been nearly a year since I last saw him, and I think that he has passed away. There is a story that the man used to be a professor at Georgetown University back in the 70's and early 80's. He had a nice house, family...the American dream. They say he was a brilliant historian. But, one day, his wife and children were all killed in a tragic car accident. He stopped showing up at the University to teach and eventually lost his job and everything he owned. They say he went crazy. I don't know, I always figured that maybe he wasn't crazy. Maybe, the game of life meant nothing if he couldn't share it with the ones he loved. The whole story always reminded me of "The Fisher King." But, unlike many of the homeless in DC, he never peddled. He just existed. Every now and then, when I saw him, I would buy him lunch or a hot drink. I used to be furious when people were mean to him. He never really said anything...just said thank you. And, he would look up and smile. He had such a sincere smile. In my own way, I miss his presence on the streets. For whatever reason, I always felt safe when he was around.
I don't know. It seems like so many people in life are always looking for grand miracles, angels and God. Sometimes when you're so busy trying to figure out the "big picture," a lot of the small things slip by. I guess in my own way, I see these "quiet souls" just like some people see angels. I'm just grateful for those simple moments. That isn't really to say that I don't believe in the bigger things, the so called greater things. But, in many ways, life is like a very intricate painting or a complex piece of music. Although the painting is beautiful, or the composition magnificent, it wouldn't be the same if you removed any element, no matter how small it seemed.
For those who are wondering what the above means. I have done my best to translate...
They say that I do not have sorrow, llorona,
Because they do not see me cry.
Only the dead do not make noise, llorona,
And only their grief is greater.
Oh, my llorona,
Llorona of the blue heavens,
I have no will to stop loving you, llorona
although it may cost my life
If the sky rises to you, llorona,
The stars descend to you.
The moon places itself at your feet, llorona,
With the sun you were crowned.
All of them tell me the black one, llorona
black but tender
All of them tell me the black one, llorona
black but tender
I am like a green chille, llorona
spicy but tasty
Oh, my llorona, llorona of yesterday and today
Oh, my llorona, llorona of yesterday and today
yesterday was wonder, llorona
and now I am a shadow of neither
yesterday was wonder, llorona
and now I am a shadow of neither
Oh, my llorona,
Llorna of black eyes
Yet with this she says good-bye, llorna
Your dreamy dark skinned girl
